In Germany, the concept of dining with a romantic partner seems to have its own unique set of quirks that are ripe for satire.

Let’s start with the men. German men, stereotypically known for their punctuality, take this to an extreme when it comes to date nights at restaurants. They arrive exactly on time, which often means their female companions are left waiting nervously in the cold if they arrive a few minutes later. And heaven forbid if the woman is late; the man will give her a look that could freeze the Rhine. Once seated, the German male’s approach to courtship through food is a curious affair. He will order the schnitzel with the utmost seriousness, as if his choice of meal is a testament to his manliness. And when the food arrives, he devours it with a voracity that might be more appropriate for a starving lumberjack than a suave date. Meanwhile, he might offer a curt “How’s your dish?” without even looking up from his plate, as if his chewing is the most important activity at the table.

The women, on the other hand, are not without their idiosyncrasies. They often arrive at the restaurant all dressed up, looking like they’ve just stepped out of a high – fashion magazine. But as soon as they sit down, they start fiddling with their phones, checking their social media accounts while the man is trying to make conversation. And when it comes to ordering, they will spend ages deliberating over the wine list, as if choosing the perfect grape variety is the key to a successful relationship. Once the meal starts, they might nibble at their food daintily, making sure not to get a single speck of sauce on their designer dresses, while giving the man disapproving looks if he polishes off his meal too quickly.

The conversation at these “romantic” dinners is also a source of amusement. Instead of the expected flowery words and heartfelt confessions, it often deteriorates into a competition of who has the better job or who has traveled to more exotic places. The man might brag about his latest engineering achievement, while the woman counters with tales of her luxurious vacations in Bali. And the poor waiter, caught in the middle of this spectacle, just tries to keep his head down and serve the food as quickly as possible.

In Germany, restaurant dates seem to be less about love and more about showing off one’s social status and personal achievements. It’s a far cry from the idealized notion of a romantic evening filled with candlelight and soulful conversations. Instead, it’s a battle of egos, with the food and the restaurant serving as the battlefield. And at the end of the meal, when the bill comes, the couple might even haggle over who should pay, as if splitting the cost is a sign of equality rather than the end of a rather disappointing date.

So, the so – called romantic dining companions in Germany are really just two individuals using the restaurant as a stage for their own self – aggrandizement. It’s a situation where the romance is as elusive as a unicorn, and the whole experience is more likely to leave you chuckling at the absurdity rather than swooning with love.